Podcast: Ep. #116 – The Importance of Not Transferring the Parental Role to Your Partner
The importance of not transferring the parental role to your partner


Something I see fairly often when talking with people is a transfer of the parental role to their partner. While this is most common in romantic relationships, it can also occur in friendships and boss-employee relationships as well. No matter where this is happening, it tends to be somewhat hidden, and it can negatively impact the entire dynamic of your relationship.

For me personally, I went straight from my mom’s home, where she was calling the rules and shots, and I had to ask her for permission for most everything. When I got married (which was basically straight out of high school), I went straight into my own home, and while I had more much more freedom, I was still in a way asking permission from my partner, and asking for his approval.

Even though I was an adult, I still wasn’t making decisions on my own, and I wasn’t checking in with what I wanted. I was deferring everything to him.

Fortunately, the relationship I’m in now, we have a great and healthy dynamic, and I very strongly respect his opinion. I respect the fact that he wants to see me be happy, safe, and have fun.

In today’s episode, I’m covering more about:

  • My own story of getting married young, and how I transferred the parental role to my then partner
  • The parent-child dynamic (specifically as teenagers), and the desires we have to break away from our parents and have more independence
  • How to recognize when this is happening in your relationship, and how to go about making a positive change 
  • Learning the importance of having difficult (but very necessary) conversations with your partner, so you can build a stronger and united relationship

This type of dynamic can happen in first marriages when they’re getting married for the first time and they’re a little older, and it can also happen with people who are on second and third marriages. So if you’re not really paying attention to the fact that you’re doing this and shifting that parenting, then it’s going to show up for you no matter how old you are, and no matter what number of relationship this.

You may feel resentment, and feel like you want to pick fights, and it all can cause quite a ruckus in your relationship. Changing your behavior and taking certain actions will take time-this won’t all happen overnight, but it all starts with a conversation, and getting on the same page!

I don’t want you to blame your partner, friend, boss, etc., or feel like you need to tear them down, because this is not a hierarchy. There’s no need to expect perfection, and there will be a lot for you both to navigate, but it’s important that you do it together. When you’re tapping into your higher power and empowering yourself though, you’ll be able to show up with more compassion, power, and love for your partner, and your relationship.

Resources and links mentioned in this episode:

  • Are you ready for a life coach? If so, connect with me at The Heart of Confidence. I want to help you break free from the cage of your limiting beliefs!
  • Connect with me over on Instagram so we can continue this conversation!
  • This episode is sponsored by Perfectly Imperfect Membership-https://theheartofconfidence.com/membership. If you’re feeling like a hot mess and you know you need a change, or you’re just ready to level up and not sure where to start, you can try my new membership risk free for 7 days!

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