Podcast: Ep. #121 – Why You Need to Stop with the “Shoulds”
Why you need to stop with the "shoulds"


If you’re someone who is constantly thinking about all of the things you “should” be doing in your life, this one’s for you! I’m excited to bring you a special episode today from my Perfectly Imperfect Membership, and it’s all about the “shoulds” we carry around. I want you to become more aware of what is going on in your life, from the outside influences, as well as the inner fears and beliefs you have.

So this whole topic of “should”, and the reason we are using this word so much is important. I know some of it is intuitive, but if we don’t really sit down and look at the reasons why things are coming up for us (like the times that we say “I should be doing this” or “I should be doing that”), then this is the part that puts us on autopilot. We’re not really aware of why we’re doing the things we’re doing.

We’re just doing them, and they may or may not be something that even supports us where we are now. These may be old beliefs, old mindsets and systems, or it may be something that we do want to keep and carry forward. It may end up being something that we teach our kids or grandkids, or our families. Or, it may be something that is worth letting go.

From Louise Hay’s book ‘You Can Heal Your Life’, she says “I believe that should is one of the most damaging words in our language. Every time we use ‘should’, we are, in effect, saying we are wrong. We don’t need more wrongs in our life; we need freedom of choice. I would like to take the word ‘should’ and remove it from the vocabulary forever; I would replace it with the word ‘could’ instead.” Of course, we make wrong choices, and we’re never perfect, but we can learn, and this is how we grow!

In today’s episode, I’m talking more about:

  • Why you need to stop “shoulding” all over the place
  • How to notice when you’re placing “shoulds” and expectations on yourself, and on others
  • How to notice when others are putting their “shoulds” and expectations on you

I used to struggle with input and advice from so many people when it came to parenting my boys (especially as a single mom), and I believed I was a terrible mother, because I couldn’t do everything everyone was telling me. I was miserable, and I realized I was raising my kids in a way that wasn’t even true to me! I started being very intentional with how I wanted to raise my kids, the type of mom I wanted to be, etc., and it wasn’t selfish to do that. I want to teach them my values, and even if they have values different than mine, I want them to know they’re always loved, and it’s ok to be different. It’s ok to not think the same as everyone else when it comes to religion, romantic relationships, and other cultural things.

I’m now in a place where I’m completely at peace with how I’m living my life, and I no longer carry around others’ burdens and expectations on my shoulders. Once you can get crystal clear and be really honest about what you want your life to look like, you have to take action to get there; it’s ok to ask for help when doing so! Ultimately, I want to help you gain confidence, and get back to a place where you’re making decisions and taking action that will lead to a more meaningful life-I know it’s possible for you!

Resources and links mentioned in this episode:

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